Drive me to drinking - Super long post!

I either want to down an entire bottle of wine or start crying and since I don't really like to drink alone I will probably just cry. It is one of those days. It is only 1 pm and I already feel like I have lived through at least two or three days. This is a really long post, so be prepared. I need to vent and get out my frustrations or I will go nuts.

Let's start with yesterday. It was a beautiful day yesterday, as well as today, but Andrea and I thought it would be fun to take the kids to the zoo. Samuel and Taylor are old enough now to know all the animals and we thought it would be great. Well after being at the zoo for less then 30 minutes, I noticed that Samuel had a disgusting poopy diaper. It was actually the most disgusting one he has had in forever. Anyway, it was so bad it came out the sides of his diaper and it was all over his pants. I did bring an extra pair of shorts for him, but I left it in the car because he has not had an explosive poop since he was Joseph's age. We didn't go back to the car for his shorts and he was actually sitting nicely in one of the strollers, so we strolled around the zoo with Samuel only in a diaper. It was awesome. The kids were normal two year olds and it made eating lunch more of a fiasco then relaxing. By the time, we headed home around 1:15 I was so exhausted I could barely function.

By the way, I figured out why his poops are so bad. The medication he is taking for his ear infection has caused some disgustingly huge poops.

Now for today. Samuel woke up a little after 7 and was terrible from the moment he woke up. He did let me put clothes on him which was nice and a diaper, thank goodness. He wanted to cook all morning long and was trying to get into our pots and pans cabinet all morning. He was slamming doors, grabbing things out of the refrigerator, grabbing things out of the pantry and wouldn't listen to me at all. By 9 am he was already driving me nuts. He ended up eating a ton of food this morning, so I thought he would be great when we went to Music Class. Boy was I wrong.

After I got him all ready to get in the car, he looked at me and said poop. I asked him if he pooped and he nodded his head and indeed he did. We had to run upstairs to change his diaper, but at the same time he was trying to pull his diaper off, so I had to carry him kicking and screaming up the stairs and fight him while I was changing his diaper. So, I get him dressed and in the car and he screams for a while wanting to watch Toy Story, but I am so sick of that movie, there was no chance he was going to watch it. We ended up having a very quiet nice ride to music class.

So we get to music class and Samuel is obsessively trying to use the hand sanitizer which is located right outside the classroom door. I try to pull him into the room but he is screaming because he hasn't gotten enough hand sanitizer and at the same time Joseph who is normally quite and wonderful started screaming and going nuts in his car seat. Finally I get us into the room and get Joseph out of his car seat to calm him down and try to feed him a little before class started. Samuel has decided he wants to run around the room and get into all the cabinets located on one side of the room. Then he decides he wants to eat lunch and starts trying to climb on the cabinets to get to the diaper bag which he thinks has food in it. All of this happened within a 5 minute period of time. Finally class is about to start and I sit down in the circle holding a now calm and happy Joseph and being strangled from behind by Samuel who will no sit on my lap and for some reason is all the sudden shy and is trying to hide from everyone. We sing about two songs and then Samuel is off running around the room and crawling under the tables. Then I hear him grunting and I know what that means. So Joseph is laying on the floor in the circle and I am running around the room trying to catch Samuel who has clearly taken a poop because the room is starting to smell. I know gross. One lady that I know said that she would watch Joseph while I ran to change Samuel in the bathroom.

When we get back in the room Samuel has decided he has had enough and he keeps saying he wants to go home and honestly I wanted to go home too. But, Samuel actually sat down in the circle and was participating in one of the next songs, so I thought we were going to be okay. I was wrong. Next thing I know Samuel is headed for the door (he is one of the only kids who can actually open the door), he is working his way out the door and I am jumping up to grab him with Joseph in my arms and then Joseph throws up all over my back and pants and Samuel is out the door. By this time, I have had enough and we were being disruptive to the class as well. So I grabbed Samuel, dragged him back in the room, put Joseph in his car seat grabbed the diaper bag and headed out the door. We were at music class for only 30 minutes!

I wanted to kill Samuel and I didn't think he would survive until his nap time. We headed home and I decided we would have a picnic on the porch so we could stay out of the house. I got the blanket and all of our food outside. I ran in to get Joseph to bring him out and at the same time Samuel was grabbing at my food and throwing it all around the deck. Luckily he just got to the tortillas and not the other food. So he lasted about 2 minutes eating on the blanket which I was expecting. But then he decided to go throw dirt around the deck, throw the soccer ball in the air, all of his toys cars in the air and all were in the direction of Joseph. Then he proceeded to throw all of his toys off the deck. I didn't really care about him doing that but then he ran down the stairs to get them all, tripped on the bottom step and skinned his knees and elbows. At this point we headed inside.

Now wait it isn't over yet, but almost. We had to wrestle to get him all cleaned up because he was full of dirt. Then I headed upstairs to put laundry in the dryer, Samuel followed me and I decided it was time for bed. I was getting him out of his dirty clothes and well what do you know, he had another explosively disgusting diaper. I got him changed and off to bed and it was a little after 12:30.

Holy shit. I know you think my son is an absolute terror, but he isn't normally this bad and I am not normally this impatient. Today he has almost pushed me to wanting to spank, but I held off. Time out wasn't as successful as it normally is and I am just pretty much drained.

I have written this whole post and I haven't started crying, so I guess I am going to pop open a bottle of wine and inject it directly into my veins. Anyone have an IV?