Here is the story:
Monday I had a great day. Samuel was in Mother's Day Out and I got a lot of stuff done for myself and around the house. I went to pick Samuel up a little bit early because I had gotten so much stuff done and I was excited to see him. When I walked up to the classroom door to get him, a mom was picking up her daughter. I obviously have seen the mom before. She is very pregnant and I knew she was having her baby pretty soon and her daughter is the cutest in the class. Plus I noticed before that Samuel always goes to this little girl and plays with her and hugs her. Well, when I walked up the mom gave me a really mean look and I was pretty confused. When I asked the teachers how Samuel did that day, they said that there was an incident. They said that Samuel bit that little girl (Olivia). The mom with the little girl were leaving right when they told me, but I immediately turned around and looked at her and he bit her on the left cheek. It was still really red. I apologized to the mom and asked if there was anything I could do. She responded very snippy that I couldn't do anything because she was having a baby on Thursday and she is really concerned about her daughter now since supposedly Samuel bit her around 11:30 in the morning and her face was still pretty red.
The teachers in the classroom said that he didn't break the skin. They said that Samuel is always trying to kiss and hug Olivia and no other kids in the class. They thought that he was trying to kiss her again but he bit her.
I am totally horrified. Samuel used to try to kiss everyone, but I would say in the last few months that completely slowed down and even stopped. We usually hang out with his friend Taylor and I don't even remember the last time he tried to kiss her. The teachers think that he was trying to kiss her and she tried to pull away and he didn't really know what he was doing when he bit her. Regardless of the circumstances, it is terrible that he bit another kid and totally out of his character. He is never aggressive or at least when I am around he isn't aggressive with other kids.
So, they had to write up his behavior and they said they would continue to watch him. He knew he did something wrong because he was really quite when we left. He never lets me hold him when we were walking to the car, but he didn't even attempt for me to put him down. He was really quite on the ride home and I was in an instant depression.
I called the pediatrician as soon as I got home to get advice on what to do. They said that I just need to keep watching him. They told me that I really couldn't discuss him biting or punish him in anyway now that he was home because he would have no idea what I was talking about. Since he has never bitten anyone before and because by the description of circumstances it wasn't because he was angry, they said it might just be an isolated incident.
I just can't believe that he did that. I felt terrible and because of the reaction of the other mother I really feel like a terrible mom. Like I did something wrong. I read all of my parenting books at home and we really have done and continue to do everything that they suggest doing for kids Samuel's age. I know he is testing his limits and we are being very strict about him following our rules. He responds to us telling him no and redirecting him. I just don't know what he is like when I am not around.
Anyway, I am feeling little bit better today. Has anyone had any issues with their kids biting? I need advice. I know he has only done it one time and I wasn't even around to discipline him, but I don't want it to happen again.
9 comments:
That other mom? Forget her. She's cranky because she's days away from having her world turned upside down with the arrival of another baby. I'm guessing she's feeling bad right now because she was snippy with you. Displaced aggression.
Sounds like you did everything you could. Apologized, offered help... They're kids. They don't know what they're doing. It's our job to teach them wrong from right and you and Dave are totally doing that.
Vance was never a biter. Vaughn has bitten Vance twice to date and it's driving me nuts.
Samuel is a very outgoing loving child. He is surronded with love,positive reinforcement,fun, and proper discipline. NO WAY was that "bite" a result of any lack of parenting. Samuel had no idea of what really happened.
My grandchild couldn't have a better mom.
Put yourself in the other lady's shoes and don't discredit her being pissed (she would be aggravated at the situation no matter if she was having a baby or not). BUT, there is nothing you can do. If he is a biter, he is a biter. It's not the end of the world. If he isn't biting other kids then most likely it is isolated. The daycare, Mother's day out people will just have to keep a closer eye on him is all.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. :( It does really sound like it was an isolated incident, and it really doesn't reflect on your parenting skills at all. You guys are doing an excellent job as parents, and even if Samuel does bite a kid again, you'll be able to teach him not to. He's a child, he made a mistake, and that's how they learn.
Keep your chin up! You're a great mom. :)
I wasn't saying that the only reason she was upset was because she's pregnant. She deserves to be upset, as any normal parent would be when their child gets hurt. It was how she chose to handle it that I was referring to. Did she need to be bitchy? No. Did she need to make Sarah feel like a horrible person? No.
I guess I'm just a nicer person and choose to handle kid issues differently. It wasn't Sarah who bit the lady's daughter. It was her 20 month old son who is still figuring everything out. Accidents happen. Lets not make everything so dramatic.
Sarah, you know deep down that you are doing great at this parenting thing. And yes, if it was my child, I would be a bit ticked that another child bit my baby BUT they are kids. How will they learn unless they try things out? Based on how you said Samuel was acting, it seems he knew something was up, he's a good kid. Rowan has bitten Dave twice, but not hard...more of a I'm going to try this out and see what happens kind of thing. Needless to say, he got nailed pretty quickly for it and hasn't done it since. Without having seen it, you know there is nothing you can do.
Any of us can be super moody on any given day, let alone the hormones raging with pregnancy. As hard as it is, you need to let it go and see how things go in the future. Who knows, in a few weeks it may be this little girl that is biting everyone and then look who is going to be embarrased. What goes around comes around one way or another. (espeically true with kids I am learning)
Take it easy on yourself!! And yummy sounding pancakes by the way. :)
-Steph
Who posted the third comment? I like to know who is posting just because I am curious.
I don't think anyone is discrediting that the mother was upset about her child being bitten. I would be upset too. I also think being pregnant and about to have your baby in a few days 100% effects your reaction. Here you are about to bring a new life into the world and your little one just got hurt by another kid. I am pregnant too and I am super emotional and I would have been pissed if Samuel was bitten, but he was the biter and I was still super emotional. I am more emotional now because I am pregnant and my hormones are not at their normal level.
I also am 100% sure that I wouldn't react the way this mother did. Sure you can be upset about your child getting hurt, but there is no reason you should make another mother (or father) act like it was their fault and that is exactly what this mom did. There is no excuse for that.
If he is a biter, he will NOT be a biter. this is the first incident and hopefully it will never happen again. If it does, we will deal with it. It might not seem like the end of the world to you, but it definitely threw me for a loop since I have never had to deal with this situation before. I have never tried to hide the fact that I am a very emotional person and I take things very personally. I am going to have lots of situations similar to these throughout my entire parenting career and I will deal with them as they come.
I really appreciate everyone commenting. It is great to hear other perspectives and views.
Your a good mom. Comment #3 was not me. My Abby bites Isabel all the time. She just did it 10 minutes ago and she is now in timeout. The only person she bites is her sister. If I only knew how to get het to stop. Hang in their, he's a good kiddo and just did not realize he was hurting the other little girl. Amie
sarah, i am really impressed with you and your reaction to the whole situation. you apologized to the mom, called the doc, read your books.. you are all over it, girl!
samuel is lucky to have you as a mom. he's a good kiddo too, and there is no need to label him a "biter" for pete's sake. ;) everyone makes mistakes.
love you guys, xo
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